[Major] Crisis

I wish so badly I majored in something I was passionate about. For my entire four years in the Communication Arts department I’ve doubted whether it was really something I wanted to major in. But I stayed out of fear of exploration and because so many voices said things like, “your major doesn’t matter,” or “comm is so applicable, you can do anything with a comm degree.” And while those things might be true, comm has never been something my heart has truly been set on. But that raises another problem. I try and think of what I would have majored in had I not chosen comm, and running through a list of majors there’s not a single one that I look at and think to myself, “that’s it, that’s what I would have chosen.” I wish I could feel that draw to one major, any major, like, “yes, I want to study Christian ministries,” or “social work, social work is it,” but I just don’t feel it. It’s like I just don’t fit in any of these boxes. And there’s got to be more people out there like me, but every time I encounter someone they seem so set on what they want to do post grad. So many people around me seem so whole-heartedly passionate about what they’re studying. Friends who’ve always known they wanted to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a pastor, or a social worker, or a filmmaker. Friends who’ve had a little voice, a tug, a calling leading them in some direction or another, but always towards something. And then I look at myself and see luke-warm interest and minimal talent in communications, whether it be film, marketing, PR and advertising, social media, literally any and every aspect of the department. I’ve not been called to communications, I’ve not been passionate about it at any juncture in my life, I’ve simply just ended up here, and I’ve stayed here because I fear the unknown, I fear change, I feared letting people down, and most of all I feared admitting that I didn’t know what I wanted. And now I sit here 12 credits out from a Bachelors degree in Communication Arts wondering what the hell I’m going to do come May. And looking back, it would’ve been a heck of a lot less scary, and I would have disappointed a heck of a lot less people if I had just committed to making a change when I was a freshman.

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