Walk in obedience to
all that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper
and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.
Deuteronomy 5:33
I must walk in
obedience to the Lord. I must walk in obedience to the Lord. I must walk in
obedience to the Lord.
This is what I keep telling myself, it is what I keep
reminding myself. Just about a week ago I was privileged to have one of life’s
doors slammed shut in my face. A job that I had applied for way back when I was
still a college student all those weeks ago fell through. It was possibly my
“right-out-of-college” dream job. Working at and for a school I love
whole-heartedly amongst people who are called to a similar mission. Having the
opportunity to remain a resident of the North Shore for just a little while
longer. It all seemed so perfect. But life has a way of shutting the door, or
rather, God has a way of shutting the door if it isn’t the one we’re meant to
walk through. I’ve found some comfort in this knowledge but the struggle as old
as time presents itself within me yet again, and I’m discouraged thinking I
know what’s best for me.
But as I stood there staring at that shut door I felt a tap
on my shoulder, one that forced me to turn around. However, when my head spun
around to catch a glance at who was seeking my attention all I saw was another door.
Only this one was wide open. I felt drawn to it, as if Love’s hand was reaching
from within to grab hold of me before I turned back around to knock on that
shut door. And as I got closer to the opened door I could see what was inside,
the chance to serve on Summer Staff at Saranac Village for Young Life. Summer
Staff is something I’ve always wanted to do but have never done, but this time
the call was irresistible. I applied for one of the very last openings they had
and within a day I was officially accepted to serve. It seemed so simple.
But God doesn’t always call us to an easy field of mission.
And He doesn’t always make the decision to obediently follow Him easy. I’ve
learned this so many times, and yet I still so often fail to follow Him. I’ve
learned about the discomfort of obedience both times I’ve been to Haiti, in the
decision of which college to go to, or which study abroad programs to drop out
of last minute. And now again, I’ve learned that it isn’t always easy to walk
in obedience. In fact, more times that not it feels like you’re going against
every grain in your body. And this time God has literally called me to new
heights of obedience.
On my application I checked off nearly every job listed in
the preferences section; retail, snack bar, craft shack, program tech, laundry,
housekeeping, landscaping. But as my eyes scanned across the email I received
upon the approval of my application I didn’t see any of these words. In stead
the email read: “I wanted to let you know that we have a ropes position open.
Is that something you would be interested in?”
ROPES?!
ROPES?!
You have got to be kidding me…
Looking back at both of my trips to Saranac as a camper there
is one thing I can say was definitely my least favorite part of camp. Any guess
as to what that is?
I have been terrified of heights my whole life. Until just a
few years ago I couldn’t fly on an airplane without being driven to the verge
of tears. I don’t climb trees, I have no desire to skydive, I’m not thrilled
about the idea of going to the top of any massively tall buildings, and just
the other day I felt afraid sitting on the top of a lifeguard chair. My fear of
heights runs deeper than the roots of the tree’s I’ll be suspended from in just
two and a half short weeks.
But do you know what I responded back to her email? “Wow
that’s incredible. I am so down for that!” And I wasn’t lying. You see, in the
moment of response I was just overwhelmingly elated to know that I had the
chance to serve on behalf of an organization that led me to Christ in the first
place. There was fear big enough to take that away from me. But as the days
passed and I really began to look at what I’d be doing, where I would be
stationed, I felt fear grip me like never before. I’m talking, palms sweating,
can’t sleep, nightmare-inducing fear. My only hope is that I can grip those
trees as hard as the fear’s got me right now.
A day or two ago I was talking to my parents and I said, “If
it wasn’t for this ropes thing I would be 100% excited for Summer Staff. But since
I got put on ropes I can’t be fully excited because I’m so scared. Like
honestly, of all of the positions to be open why did it have to be ropes?!” And
in that moment I was hit with an answer. “Because I’m being called to walk in
obedience, and if it were easy it wouldn’t result in any form of growth. It
wouldn’t lead me into deeper relationship with my Creator.” Duh.
So I’ve been turning those eight words over and over in my
mouth. And they feel so heavy. I must
walk in obedience to the Lord. On paper it sounds good, but in practice?
That’s another story. It wouldn’t have been service to the Lord if it didn’t
require sacrifice. But sacrifice, to me, always seems like something tangible.
Sure I’ll be sacrificing my cell phone, my computer, social media. But those
are all sacrifices I’m totally okay with, so does that even make them
sacrifices anymore? (Now I’m getting off track because my mind moves a mile a
minute). But anyways, I don’t often see sacrifice as something abstract. But
this time around I have to sacrifice my comfort, my physical comfort. I’m not
sure why this is such a new thing because going to Haiti sure wasn’t
comfortable. But this is a different kind of discomfort, one that I’m almost
more reluctant to give up than the comfort I find myself leaving during my time
in Haiti.
I know with a full heart that Saranac is where I’m supposed
to be next month. And I’m realizing that more specifically, it’s perched 30
feet up on those platforms made of 2x4’s where I’m supposed to be next month.
I’m not sure now what I’ll learn up there, or how I’ll grow, but I do know one
thing for sure, I am surely going to learn and grow. And if by nothing more
than a literal perspective change I am going to see God in still new ways. And
I can’t be anything but excited for that.
My hope is that after four weeks of ropes I’ll come to love
it, or at the very least not be terrified of it. Please pray as I endeavor into
this new unknown. Life shouldn’t be lived within the confines of comfort, this
I know, but man, is it going to be hard to strap on that harness and begin the
climb upwards to new heights.
[alc]
