When Looking Back

I hope that in my final days I can look back on my life and see that it really wasn’t all that messy. Rather, I hope that when I’m dying I can look back on my mess of a life and realize that there, amongst all of the pain and brokenness, and endlessness, and amongst the mundane, there really was beauty. I hope that when I look back on the days that turned into weeks, and the weeks that turned into months, and months that turned into the years that composed my life that they resemble that of love, of joy, of triumph, of passion. I hope that these days that now seem so small and these moments that seem so insignificant grow into the memories that depict the journey we travel during our time here on earth. I hope that as I look back I see growth between mistakes, and blessings beneath the rubble, and victory amidst the pursuit. I pray to God that I see a life that was glorifying to Him and that I treated others how they ought be treated. I hope that when I look back on my encounters with people I can see the places that they impacted me and the places I impacted them, and I hope that when I look back on it all, I see where I was able to share the Gospel and how the Gospel was shared with me. I hope I see grace given and grace received, I hope I see mercy; I hope I see a discomfort with the comfortable that prompted me to move beyond my life of complacency. I hope I see courage and strength. I want to look back on a live lived like Christ, ridden with encounters with our King and those in whom he dwells. As I look back on these days that right now are passing me by, I hope I can smile and know that I did all I could, that I truly did live every minute I was given on this earth. That I, in some small way, exposed someone to Christ and that I didn’t do anything that in the end caused for someone a spiritual disconnect. I hope that when I reflect on these days of my life I see that I was open enough for God to use me everyday, and when I realize that there were days I was not, I hope I can muster in me grace and forgiveness. I hope that I can close my eyes with peace in my heart knowing that God used me for everything He intended me to use me for, and that in spite of all the brokenness, He was glorified.  

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