Unraveling Threads

My dear friend, I hope that you know that I never meant to hurt you, and I never meant to scar you, and I never meant to cause this rift. If I could go back, I'd change it all. Somewhere in the beauty of our friendship I found a lose thread, and rather than cutting it right at the source I started to tug at it. I took it between my aching fingers and twirled it, stretching it, and at first it was innocent, but soon I saw the damage I was causing. Soon I saw the surrounding threads begin to loosen their grip, and before I knew it the entire piece was unraveled at my feet. And for days, weeks even, I starred down at this tattered, broken thing trying to see what was ever so beautiful about it in the first place. But today I crouched down, and I got real close to those tattered threads, and I picked them up, and I let them run through those same aching fingers, and I felt their weight and I wept. And I began to see their colors, so rich and bright, so vibrant and full of life, and I scrambled for a way to restore them to their previous condition, and when I couldn't find a way I began tying knots, haphazardly, chaotically. And I look down at what I made, and it's not perfect but it is beautiful, and tonight as I lay down to sleep I only pray to God above that those knots don't come untied. ----- And, to you, the first, I hope you know I'm not doing this to hurt you, I'm only doing this because I have to. I am regretful that I'll never know, but I'm learning to be happy with the things I've come to understand. And I hope you know that what I got from you is something no one else could give me. You were the first after the one I thought would be the last, and that is far more and that is far greater because it revealed to me that I really will be okay and that I really can feel again. But what I also know is that it isn't something more than that. It could never be something more than that. So, with pain in my heart, I accept what is, and what was, and what will be, whatever that is.

[alc]